Every time I encounter another mom, it feels like I’ve discovered a treasure, as I can count on gleaning a super practical parenting tip within our 20-minute conversation. With that in mind, I reached out to several parents for their dependable advice, and here’s what they shared…
Something I’ve gathered myself:
1. Always have small trash bags readily available — in your vehicle, stroller, or handbag. Diaper blowouts seem to happen out of the blue, and having a bag to toss it in when there’s no trash can nearby reduces stress significantly.
From Angela:
2. When our kids are nearby, my husband and I make sure they can hear us positively discussing them. I might say something like ‘Did you see how Alo really focused on putting on his shoes this morning?’ or ‘Did you catch that Talula made an art piece today?’ Kids thrive on hearing you celebrate their accomplishments!
From Miranda:
3. Bibliotherapy works wonders for little ones — such as preparing a preschooler for a new sibling with picture books — but there are also fantastic chapter books available. If your nine-year-old is facing a dyslexia diagnosis (Fish In a Tree), or your ten-year-old has a chronic health issue (Not Quite a Ghost), or your twelve-year-old is grieving a loss (Show Me A Sign), books can facilitate discussions about tough subjects and support your child in feeling less isolated.
4. My partner and I express our thanks to each other for preparing meals, and now our children do the same. This practice makes me feel appreciated and teaches them the effort and care involved in providing meals each evening.
From Destini:
5. As parents, maintaining our composure is key, but you don’t have to be perfectly calm all the time. Verbalizing your emotions — for instance, saying, ‘I’m feeling frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath before responding’ — teaches your child how to handle strong feelings. They observe the real-life process of regulating emotions and understand that feelings aren’t to be feared or suppressed; they are simply cues to pause and make choices.
From Mo:
6. Assign your child a task that benefits the entire family. For older kids, that might mean going to the corner store for a pint of ice cream for dessert. For the littler ones, it could be watering the plants. Each time I involve my kids in this way, they excel and remind me of their capabilities. It’s vital for children to sense that they contribute to the family’s success.
7. In larger families, simplicity is key. Our four kids have designated seats at the table, eliminating squabbles over places, and the tooth fairy leaves $1 for each lost tooth (even if she had hoped to add sparkles and a note!).
From Laurel:
8. My kids (ages four and six) and I found the Magic Woods podcast last year, and it’s delightful, humorous, and quirky. There are tons of episodes, all featuring the same characters, crafting one extensive narrative. The creator’s voice is calming, and he uses different voices for each animal.
From Youngna:
9. Recently, I took my nine-year-old to a store to pick out an outfit for a recital. Given the hand-me-downs and COVID experiences, she had never shopped for clothes in person, so trying on outfits in the fitting room was exhilarating. It reminded me that everything can feel novel to a child; it need not always be an epic adventure.
From Ruth:
10. When it seems like I’ve spent ages with my child and I’m ticking off the minutes until her nap for some much-needed time to tackle the laundry or finish an email, I lower myself to her level and watch her. I observe her eyelashes as she searches for a banana car on a page of her book. I notice her mouth forming silly shapes while she figures out how to lift a sticker off the table. I catch a glimpse of her toes curling and uncurling as she reaches for something. Or I realize how much her nose resembles mine. Immersing myself in those moments helps me remember that — indeed, there’s a lot to accomplish, and this is just another day among thousands — but witnessing my child interact with the world (and me!) in these small ways is truly remarkable.
Thank you so much, parents. What would you add?
P.S. More surprising parenting insights and exploring slow parenting.
(Top photo by Diane Durongpisitkul/Stocksy. Bottom photo by Jannelle Sanchez.)
# 10 Surprising and Effective Parenting Techniques
Parenting is one of the most fulfilling yet demanding roles in life. While there isn’t a universal approach, some unconventional techniques can lead to unexpected and effective outcomes. These strategies may not be the first that come to mind, but they can enhance the parent-child relationship, promote emotional intelligence, and encourage positive behaviors. Here are 10 surprising and effective parenting techniques to contemplate.
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## 1. **Allow Them to Experience Failure (Safely)**
Parents often feel the urge to shield their kids from failure. However, letting children encounter failure in a secure and controlled setting teaches resilience, problem-solving skills, and accountability. Rather than jumping in to solve every issue, prompt your child to think about what went wrong and how they can improve for the next time. This fosters self-confidence and prepares them for real-world challenges.
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## 2. **Utilize Humor to Alleviate Stress**
Parenting can bring stress, and disputes with children are unavoidable. Instead of escalating conflicts, try to use humor to ease the atmosphere. For example, if your child is reluctant to tidy their room, you might joke, “Wow, have you created a new art exhibit called ‘Chaos in Action’?” Humor can break down resistance, strengthen connections, and make tough situations more manageable.
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## 3. **Offer Choices Instead of Orders**
Children frequently resist directives, but presenting choices empowers them and nurtures independence. Instead of demanding, “Eat your veggies,” consider asking, “Would you prefer broccoli or carrots with your meal?” This method gives them a sense of agency while still guiding them toward favorable behavior.
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## 4. **Exemplify Emotional Regulation**
Children learn to process emotions by observing their parents. Rather than concealing your feelings, demonstrate healthy emotional regulation. For instance, if you’re feeling upset, you might say, “I’m feeling frustrated at the moment, so I’ll take a few deep breaths to unwind.” This shows your child that experiencing emotions is valid and equips them with tools to manage their own feelings.
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## 5. **Embrace the Impact of Silence**
Sometimes, the most effective reaction is no reaction at all. When children have meltdowns or misbehave, maintaining calm and silence can be more effective than engaging in a contentious exchange. Silence conveys that you won’t reward negative behavior with attention and provides space for your child to self-regulate.
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## 6. **Champion “Boredom”**
In an age dominated by screens and relentless stimulation, boredom can seem undesirable. Yet, boredom can spark creativity and self-exploration. When your child exclaims, “I’m bored,” resist the temptation to entertain them. Instead, encourage them to tap into their imagination or investigate new interests. You may be astonished by their creativity!
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## 7. **Apologize When Necessary**
Parents are human and make mistakes. Acknowledging wrongdoing to your child demonstrates humility and responsibility. For instance, if you lose your temper, you might express, “I apologize for raising my voice earlier. I was feeling overwhelmed, but that wasn’t the right way to handle it.” This imparts the significance of taking responsibility for mistakes and mending relationships.
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## 8. **Prioritize Effort Over Results**
Commending children solely for accomplishments can create pressure to attain success at all costs. Instead, recognize their efforts and determination. For example, rather than saying, “You’re so intelligent,” try, “I’m proud of the effort you put into that project.” This fosters a growth mindset, where children value learning and improvement over perfection.
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## 9. **Establish Family Traditions**
Traditions provide structure, encourage bonding, and create cherished memories. These don’t have to be elaborate; simple rituals like a family movie night, cooking together, or sharing the “highs and lows” of the day during dinner can strengthen family ties. Traditions give children a sense of stability and belonging, which is crucial during transitions.
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## 10. **Embrace “Yes” More Often**
While setting limits is vital, saying “yes” more frequently can significantly build trust and connection with your child. This doesn’t imply complying with every request, but rather spotting opportunities to affirm their ideas, interests, and wishes. For example, if your child wishes to construct a fort in the living room, welcome the mess and participate in the fun. Saying yes conveys that you value their creativity and uniqueness.
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## Conclusion
Parenting is a continuous journey of trial and error, and sometimes the most effective strategies are the least expected ones. By adopting these unconventional methods, you can nurture your child’s emotional health, promote independence, and strengthen your bond. Remember, there is no flawless way to parent—what matters most is demonstrating love, patience, and a willingness to grow together.
