Ruth Chan is an artist residing in Brooklyn with her spouse, infant, and dog. She author and illustrates kids’ literature. For Cup of Jo, Ruth has also penned thoughts on travel, animals, loss, OCD, pregnancy, and motherhood. And here’s her beauty routine!
**Realizations I Unwillingly Embrace as a New Parent**
Entering parenthood is a significant life change. It’s a path full of happiness, fatigue, and a challenging adjustment period. As a new parent, you receive a barrage of advice, unsolicited commentary, and a plethora of parenting guides claiming to reveal the formula for raising a joyful, healthy kid. However, amid the clamor, there are some realities that, although hard to accept initially, ultimately become irrefutable. Here are a few truths I’ve come to reluctantly acknowledge as a new parent.
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### 1. **Sleep Will Forever Be Altered**
Before I became a parent, I believed I had grasped the concept of sleep deprivation. I had stayed up all night during college, worked extended hours, and occasionally watched series late into the night. Yet nothing could prepare me for the never-ending fatigue that comes with nurturing a newborn. The suggestion to “sleep when the baby sleeps” seems sensible in theory, but in reality, it’s almost comical. There are bottles to clean, laundry to sort, and times when all you want is a quiet moment to reminisce about who you were prior to becoming a parent.
The reality is that sleep becomes fragmented, erratic, and frequently hard to grasp. Even as your baby begins to sleep through the night, you may find yourself waking at every tiny noise, checking to ensure they are still okay. This is a new status quo, and although it’s difficult to come to terms with, you eventually adjust.
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### 2. **Your Time Belongs to the Baby Now**
As a new parent, I quickly understood that I no longer had control over my own time. Basic activities such as showering, eating, or simply sitting down for a moment now required meticulous planning and precise timing.
The days of spontaneous adventures or leisurely weekends spent binge-watching shows are over. Every moment revolves around the baby’s requirements—feeding, diaper changes, naps, and soothing cries. While it’s easy to feel stressed or overwhelmed, I’ve come to accept the chaos and find joy in small wins, like enjoying a warm cup of coffee.
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### 3. **You Will Doubt Every Choice**
Before entering parenthood, I assumed I would have an innate sense of what to do. Instead, I found myself questioning every single decision. Is the baby getting enough to eat? Is this rash concerning? Am I holding them correctly? The sheer number of questions can be daunting, and while the internet can provide support, it often complicates matters more than it clarifies.
The fact is, no one knows all the answers. Parenthood is an ongoing learning journey, and it’s acceptable to stumble along the way. Trusting your gut and seeking guidance from reliable sources (like your pediatrician or seasoned parents) can help lessen the worry.
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### 4. **You’ll Nostalgically Yearn for Your Former Life—And That’s Normal**
Admitting this was challenging. I adore my child above all else, but there are instances when I miss the freedom and ease of my life before parenting. I miss sleeping in, going out without a diaper bag, and savoring uninterrupted conversations with my partner.
Initially, I felt guilty for reminiscing about my previous lifestyle. Yet, I’ve come to understand that it’s natural to mourn the life you once had. Parenthood is a significant transition, and it’s alright to recognize the struggles alongside the joys.
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### 5. **You Are Not Expected to Do It All**
In the beginning of my parenting journey, I felt tremendous pressure to achieve perfection. I wanted to keep a pristine home, prepare nutritious meals, and be fully engaged with my baby—all while nurturing my relationships and personal interests. It’s no surprise that this led to feeling burnt out.
The reality is that you can’t accomplish everything, and attempting to do so will only leave you feeling drained and resentful. Learning to request assistance, delegate responsibilities, and release unrealistic expectations has been life-changing. Sometimes, it’s perfectly acceptable to let the dishes wait, and ordering takeout is a valid option.
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### 6. **Your Relationship Will Endure Trials**
Parenthood necessitates teamwork, yet it can also be incredibly taxing. The combination of sleep deprivation, differing approaches to parenting, and the demands of caring for an infant can put stress on even the most resilient relationships. My partner and I have had more disagreements in recent months than in our entire ten years together.
The truth is, parenting can reveal both the best and worst sides of people. It’s crucial to communicate honestly, support one another, and carve out time for your relationship, even if it comes down to a brief check-in at the end of the day.
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### 7. **You Will Begin to Cherish Small Moments**
Before I became a parent, I took many things for granted—peaceful mornings, uninterrupted meals, and even a quick outing.
