My friend Erika Veurink has just penned a romance novel (!), and on Thursday I’ll be engaging in conversation with her on stage at the Strand. If you’re available and want to join us, we’d be thrilled! My foremost burning inquiry for her will be…
…what’s it truly like to craft a sex scene? How does one shake off reservations and depict a scenario in vivid detail? How do you pull in readers, all while knowing your parents are in the audience?
“I suppose I should have been more thoughtful about the unavoidable task of writing sex scenes before committing to a romance novel,” Erika confided in me. “I thought ‘the act’ would unfold like spontaneous combustion, around 650 words spilling out as divine inspiration. But it turns out, those words need to be written.”
Here’s how she approached it, in her own words:
1. Release the idea that the scene you’re about to write will be seen by anyone you’ve ever encountered. In fact, let’s just accept that this scene is meant for a dusty box under your bed, hidden from view. That’s an excellent starting point.
2. Light a candle. A luxurious candle. The kind that resides in a soft pink container you reserve for dinner gatherings and other sophisticated activities. This is precisely its intended purpose.
3. Brace for the inner critic, who revels in seeing a sex scene left unwritten. Strolling into your mind, he’ll remind you of your high school ex-boyfriend and point out your difficulties in accomplishing anything in front of you. Kindly usher him out.
4. Gather a source of external bravery. I usually go for dark chocolate chips, but this might be a moment to fully embrace Hemingway with a shot or two of whiskey or a charming little jar bubbling with a crisp white.
5. Take comfort in the books you’ve surrounded yourself with — such as Honey and Spice, You Made a Fool of Death With Your Beauty, First-Time Caller — that stand symbolically around your writing environment. Others have written sex scenes and lived to tell about it.
6. You’ll want poetry, and plenty of it. Because no one is as unabashedly passionate as poets.
7. Curate a playlist devoid of lyrics, filled with longing (think: Sade and Prince). Play it at the quietest volume possible to muffle your neighbor’s crying baby or the bubbling oil in the kitchen while your spouse prepares dinner.
8. You’ll need to create a truly mediocre first draft. Jump in boldly. Don’t glance away until the scene wraps up. Treat yourself with the previously mentioned reward.
9. Now is the time to remember how it felt when you heard him call your name during a summer rainstorm on Bowery. It’s the moment to trace her fingertip across your knuckles under the expansive Vermont sky. Sink into the memory of spilling a martini on your couch, his lips brushing against your neck, whispering “all mine.” Every instant of electric desire and physical yearning has led you here.
10. And after it’s over, promise yourself that you’ll never have to pen another sex scene for the rest of your life.
Never one to evade a question, I also asked Erika how she determined which words to use for anatomical references. “Fortunately, my editors were incredibly helpful,” she shared. “In the beginning, I was like, ‘How do you refer to penises?’ They replied, your options are d- or c-. There’s no ‘member,’ which I appreciated.”
Thank you, Erika. And please join us on Thursday evening, if you’re available. We’d be delighted to see you!
P.S. Nine couples with the most incredible on-screen chemistry, and is this the sexiest podcast?
(Photo of Erika by Christine Han, as part of her house tour.)
**Guide to Crafting a Sex Scene**
Writing a sex scene can pose a significant challenge for numerous authors, as it demands a careful balance between intimacy, emotion, and realism. Regardless of whether you’re writing within romance, drama, or any other genre, creating a compelling and tasteful sex scene involves comprehending your characters, establishing the right tone, and ensuring that the scene fulfills a function in your narrative. Here’s a guide to assist you in writing an effective sex scene.
**1. Know Your Characters:**
Before embarking on a sex scene, it’s essential to have a thorough understanding of your characters. Contemplate their personalities, desires, and limits. What drives them to partake in this intimate moment? How do they manifest vulnerability and passion? The scene should embody their distinct traits and relationship dynamics.
**2. Establish the Tone:**
The tone of your sex scene should be consistent with the overall atmosphere of your story. Determine if the scene will be romantic, passionate, playful, or intense. Utilize language and imagery that evoke the emotions you want to convey. Steer clear of clichés and concentrate on crafting a distinctive ambiance that connects with your characters’ experiences.
**3. Emphasize Emotion:**
A successful sex scene transcends physical actions; it revolves around the emotional bond between the characters. Illuminate their thoughts, feelings, and reactions. Delve into the psychological dimensions of intimacy, such as trust, vulnerability, and longing. This deepens the scene and makes it more relatable to readers.
**4. Ensure Realism:**
While crafting an engaging scene is important, do not compromise realism for the sake of drama. Make sure that your characters’ actions and reactions are credible. Avoid exaggerated descriptions or implausible scenarios that might detract from the authenticity of the moment.
**5. Incorporate Sensory Details:**
Engage the senses to create a rich and immersive experience for your readers. Detail the sights, sounds, scents, and textures that the characters encounter. Sensory information can elevate the mood and render the scene more tangible, allowing readers to feel as if they are part of the experience.
**6. Uphold Consent and Respect:**
Consent is a vital element in any sex scene. Clearly indicate that both parties are willing participants. This not only portrays a healthy relationship but also sets a commendable example for readers. Honor your characters’ limits and ensure that the scene resonates with their personalities and values.
**7. Advance the Story:**
Every scene within your narrative should have a function, and a sex scene is no exception. Reflect on how the scene propels the plot, develops characters, or unveils critical information. It should contribute to the overall storyline and not come off as gratuitous or misplaced.
**8. Revise and Edit:**
After writing your sex scene, invest time in editing and revising. Verify that the pacing is appropriate and that the language flows seamlessly. Solicit feedback from reliable readers or editors who can offer constructive critiques. This will help polish the scene and enhance its effect.
**Conclusion:**
Crafting a sex scene necessitates sensibility, creativity, and meticulousness. By focusing on character development, emotional depth, and narrative intention, you can formulate a scene that resonates with readers and enriches your tale. Remember to approach the endeavor with respect and authenticity, ensuring that your portrayal of intimacy is both meaningful and engaging.
