Last summer, when my family from California touched down in Cambridge, England, for a holiday, completely jetlagged and utterly drained, I encountered an old friend amidst the cluster of college buildings where we would be residing for the following month. My daughter and I were taking a stroll just to keep ourselves awake until dark when Shelley emerged from her apartment, her face lit up with a huge smile, ready to welcome us with open arms.
We embraced and briefly updated each other – my family had spent half a year in the city the previous year, which brought us closer – and then she posed a straightforward question: What small thing would help you right now?
Not: Can I assist you in some way?
Not: How can I be of help?
Not the frustratingly vague and unhelpful: Let me know if you need anything. (Anything???!)
Instead: What small thing would assist you right now?
There was something enlightening about the precision and simplicity of it.
If she had posed the question differently, I undoubtedly would have replied, “We don’t require anything! We’re fine! Thank you so much for inquiring!” However, given her straightforward request, I felt I could make a small appeal: After 18 hours of travel and hours on a packed plane, compounded with a long taxi ride from London, my daughter was now clamoring for ice cream. But there was no way to obtain that unless we walked 20 minutes into town, which was not going to happen. So, I turned to Shelley and inquired: Do you happen to have any ice cream in your freezer?
She stepped into her kitchen and produced an ice cream sandwich. I cannot express how much this made us feel welcome, loved, and cared for. I could tell that it brought her joy as well.
This straightforward question has transformed my perspective: too frequently, we can’t solve a friend’s larger issue and hence avoid trying. How could I ease a friend’s grief over her divorce, her parent’s passing, or her teen’s struggles to fit in? I am neither a therapist nor a magician!
But I can – we all can – provide a piece of comfort by delivering something direct and actionable in the moment. Sometimes all a friend needs is a walk. A salad drop-off. For you to collect their kids from school so she can take a nap. A phone conversation. A cookie delivery. A shoulder to lean on, just for now. A book deposited at her doorstep. A coffee handed over silently.
What small thing would help right now? In a time when suffering seems pervasive, I have found this method to serve as a guiding principle. Shelley likely had no idea that the only thing we would be asking for on that lovely July evening was an ice cream sandwich from her freezer. But she met us precisely where we were and made our arrival all the more delightful. We returned to our empty place feeling not only welcomed but acknowledged. There is no greater gift than that.
That’s what I aspire to cultivate more of in 2025: finding ways to show up for my friends and family in the smallest, most specific gestures that bring them joy. Because those small gestures, it turns out, accumulate into something significant. In reality, they encompass everything.
Abigail Rasminsky is a writer and editor based in Los Angeles. She teaches creative writing at the Keck School of Medicine of USC and authors the weekly newsletter, People + Bodies. She has also contributed to Cup of Jo on various subjects, including marriage, preteens, and only children.
P.S. How to craft a condolence note, and what are your simple joys?
(Photo by Duet Postscriptum/Stocksy.)
**Eight Impactful Phrases to Share with a Friend**
Friendship is one of life’s most treasured connections. It is founded on trust, mutual respect, and shared experiences. While actions often communicate more than words, the right words can fortify relationships, uplift spirits, and convey the depth of your appreciation for others. If you’re seeking ways to express your feelings and nurture your friendships, here are eight impactful phrases to share with a friend.
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### 1. **”I’m really thankful to have you in my life.”**
This simple yet heartfelt expression serves as a reminder to your friend of their significance to you. Gratitude is a powerful feeling that enhances connection and positivity. By sharing how much you cherish their presence, you reassure your friend that they are loved and appreciated.
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### 2. **”You can always depend on me.”**
True friendship is about being there for one another in good times and bad. By stating this, you reassure your friend that they have your steadfast support, no matter what obstacles they encounter. It reinforces the idea that they’re not on their own and can turn to you when life’s challenges arise.
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### 3. **”I have faith in you.”**
Sometimes, all it requires is a bit of encouragement to help someone push past self-doubt. Telling your friend that you have faith in their capabilities and potential can be incredibly empowering. It indicates that you recognize their strengths, even when they might not see them themselves.
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### 4. **”I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”**
In a world that often feels hurried and chaotic, giving your time and attention is one of the most significant gifts you can give. This phrase communicates to your friend that you’re available to offer a listening ear without judgment. It conveys, “Your feelings are important to me.”
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### 5. **”You enhance my life just by being in it.”**
This statement beautifully recognizes the positive influence your friend has on your life. Whether it’s their humor, kindness, or steadfast support, letting them know how much they contribute to your happiness can strengthen your bond.
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### 6. **”I admire you for [specific quality].”**
Everyone enjoys being acknowledged for their unique attributes. Whether it’s their resilience, creativity, generosity, or sense of humor, highlighting something you admire about your friend can elevate their confidence and demonstrate that you genuinely see and value them for who they are.
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### 7. **”Remember, you possess more strength than you realize.”**
Life can be overwhelming, and your friend may at times feel like surrendering. This phrase acts as a gentle reminder of their inner strength and resilience. It encourages them to persevere while reminding them of their capacity to overcome difficulties.
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### 8. **”Thank you for being yourself.”**
Occasionally, the simplest expressions have the most profound significance. By expressing gratitude to your friend for being authentically themselves, you celebrate their individuality and the unique part they play in your life. It affirms, “You’re enough just as you are.”
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### The Importance of Words in Friendship
Words hold the power to heal, inspire, and connect. In friendships, they act as a bridge that fortifies the emotional bond between two individuals. While grand gestures are wonderful, it is often the small, meaningful phrases that leave a lasting impact. They remind your friend that they are valued, loved, and supported.
### Enhancing the Impact of These Phrases
– **Be sincere:** Speak from your heart, and let your words reflect your true emotions.
– **Be specific:** Whenever feasible, tailor your message. For example, instead of saying, “I admire you,” say, “I admire your ability to remain calm under pressure.”
– **Follow up with actions:** Words are potent, but actions give them weight. Demonstrate to your friend that you mean what you say through your actions.
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### Closing Thoughts
Friendship is a treasure that enriches our lives in countless ways. By sharing these meaningful phrases, you can deepen your connection with friends and remind them of their significance to you. In a world where people frequently feel unseen or unappreciated, your words can serve as a source of comfort, encouragement, and joy. So, don’t wait to reach out to your friends today and convey how much they mean to you. After all, a kind word can make a significant difference.
