After enduring a year filled with midnight feedings, leaking breasts, and stretchy outfits, I’m finally beginning to rediscover myself. Since welcoming my second child, Emiliano, I’ve been eagerly (or perhaps desperately?) anticipating the moment I emerge from the haze of new parenthood.
Jannelle and Ella
When my now four-year-old daughter was a newborn, it took me about seven months to feel grounded in this new lifestyle. Prior to Ella, I had never changed a diaper or held a baby. But somehow, seven months after we brought her home, I felt like me again. Perhaps even a superior version of myself. I felt more competent, getting familiar with new tasks like bathing a squirmy baby or unfolding a stroller with one hand. Each month, I posted pictures of Ella and me on Instagram, partly because I loved showcasing her, but also because I felt elated — and honestly, proud — of how swiftly I regained my sense of self. I wanted to let all my friends know, ‘Look, the old me is still present! You can have a baby and still enjoy movie nights with friends! And take your baby hiking! And relax in cafés!’ I believed I had successfully integrated the baby into my life.
Fast forward to today; I’m 14 months postpartum and still feel distinctly different from that previous version of Jannelle. For instance, my memory is definitely more scattered. During college, I juggled a heavy course load while managing a part-time job — and never missed a deadline or shift. Early in my career, I maintained a full-time job, hit the gym five times a week, read books (!), and met up with friends. However, this year, I can scarcely keep track of the smallest tasks. This summer, I inadvertently left the fridge door open THREE times while rushing to head out. After the third occurrence, I broke down in tears in our kitchen, sobbing to my husband Max, “I’m operating with half my brain. This isn’t who I am.” Ten months post-Emiliano’s birth, I finally came to the understanding that during this life stage, I can’t do all the things I used to do before having a baby. And that revelation has been tough to accept.
Fortunately, over time, I’ve discovered a few strategies that help me feel at peace in my mind and body. Going on three-mile runs reminds me that my body is capable of climbing hills and breaking into sprints. Additionally, wearing my gold hoop earrings daily adds a touch of glamour to my denim and T-shirt uniform. The most significant shift? Eventually coming to terms with the reality that I might never revert to who I was before kids. At first, even pondering this notion made me feel like a failure — as though motherhood had swallowed my entire identity. But now it feels freeing. I’m open to establishing new rituals, like waking up early to indulge in a chapter of a delightful novel. It also grants me the motivation and tranquility to reject old habits that no longer benefit me (such as binge-watching Traitors until 1 a.m.) I’m only two months into accepting that I no longer need to feel like “pre-kid Jannelle,” but so far, these two months have cleared my mind and brought fulfillment in my role as a mother.
Eager to gain insights from a more experienced parent, I reached out to Abbey Nova, a mom to 15-year-old and seven-year-old boys, who shares similar sentiments: “I felt like I ‘should’ revert to ‘normal,’ yet motherhood transformed me forever. It stripped away the ornamental aspects and uncovered the foundational bones of my identity. It’s a version of yourself — not your pre-baby self exactly, but a more refined, concentrated rendition. The essential parts of yourself have a tendency to resurface over time. And for me, this realization came with both kids when they turned seven.”
Parenthood has infused my life with so much joy. Like the enchanting moment my daughter recognized me for the first time, or observing my son’s serene profile while he sleeps, so perfect it brings tears to my eyes. Yet, parenthood also accompanies growing pains, and it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in my journey of self-discovery. Even the iconic Rihanna mentioned how motherhood led to a complete identity shift.
Jannelle and Emiliano
If you’re a parent, do you feel as though you’ve returned to your past self? Or do you sense that you’ve become a different version of yourself since stepping into parenthood? I would love to hear your insights. Motherhood is deeply personal and intricate, and having a safe space to share our highs and lows is truly invaluable. xoxo
P.S. Have you tried slow parenting, and when did you first bond with your baby?
# How Long Does It Take to Feel Like Yourself Again After Having Kids?
Welcoming a baby into your life is a transformative experience that brings immense happiness, yet it also entails considerable physical, emotional, and mental adjustments. Many new parents find themselves wondering, *”How long will it take before I feel like the person I used to be?”* The timeframe differs for each individual, but grasping the various aspects of postpartum recovery can help establish realistic expectations.
## **Physical Recovery After Childbirth**
The body goes through significant changes during pregnancy and childbirth, and recovery duration is influenced by several factors, including the kind of delivery and overall health.
– **Vaginal Birth:** Most women begin feeling physically improved within **six to eight weeks**, but complete recovery may take **several months**.
– **C-Section:** As a C-section involves major surgery, healing can be prolonged—usually **eight to twelve weeks** before resuming regular activities.
– **Hormonal Changes:** Hormones dramatically fluctuate post-birth, impacting mood, energy, and even causing hair loss. It may take **three to six months** for hormone levels to stabilize.
Even after the initial recovery phase, some women may experience ongoing effects like fatigue, joint discomfort, or metabolic changes that can persist for a year or longer.
## **Emotional and Mental Adjustment**
Beyond the physical healing, the emotional and mental shift into parenthood is just as crucial.
– **Postpartum Emotions:** Many new parents go through the “baby blues” in the initial **two weeks** following birth due to hormonal fluctuations, sleep deprivation, and the overwhelming responsibilities of caring for a newborn.
– **Postpartum Depression and Anxiety:** If feelings of sadness, anxiety, or overwhelm continue beyond the initial weeks, it may signify postpartum depression or anxiety, which can extend for **months or longer** without adequate support and treatment.
– **Identity Shift:** Numerous parents grapple with the loss of their pre-baby identity. It may take **six months to a year** (or longer) to adjust to this new reality and reclaim a sense of self.
## **Sleep Deprivation and Energy Levels**
Sleep deprivation is one of the primary challenges faced by new parents. Newborns frequently wake for feedings, making restorative sleep elusive.
– Most infants begin sleeping longer periods by **three to six months**, but some may continue to wake throughout the night for the first **year or beyond**.
– Lack of sleep can lead to brain fog, mood swings, and fatigue, complicating the process of reconnecting with oneself.
– Once a baby consistently sleeps through the night, many parents report feeling significantly improved within a few months.
## **Social Life and Relationships**
Entering parenthood often causes shifts in priorities, affecting friendships, social engagements, and even romantic relationships.
– Many parents struggle to maintain their pre-baby social lives, particularly in the initial **six months**.
– Carving out time for self-care and personal interests can be difficult, yet it is vital for regaining a sense of self.
– Reconnecting with a partner may take time, as intimacy and relationship dynamics often evolve post-baby.
## **When Do Most Parents Feel Like Themselves Again?**
While every parent’s journey is distinct, many report feeling more like themselves around the **one-year mark**. By this phase, the body has generally healed, sleep patterns are better, and parents feel more confident in their new roles. However, for some, complete adjustment may take **two years or longer**.
## **Tips for Feeling Like Yourself Again**
1. **Prioritize Self-Care:** Simple acts like bathing, exercising, or enjoying a book can be beneficial.
2. **Ask for Help:** Lean on family, friends, or join a support group.
3. **Ensure Adequate Sleep:** Nap when possible and share nighttime responsibilities with a partner.
4. **Stay Connected:** Maintain friendships and social activities, even in small doses.
5. **Seek Professional Support:** If experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression or anxiety, reach out to a healthcare provider.
## **Final Thoughts**
Regaining your sense of self post-baby is a gradual journey that varies for all. While some parents bounce back swiftly, others may require more time to adjust. The essential factor is to be patient with yourself, seek support when necessary, and remember that this phase, though challenging, is temporary. With time, you’ll discover a new version of yourself—one that encompasses both your identity as a parent and as an individual.
