In recent months, I’ve been fully immersed in the experience of perimenopause…
…and an amusing consequence — apart from waking up completely soaked (the other day, Anton remarked, “Mom, I love you; I don’t love your bed sweat”) — is that I find myself contemplating what truly makes life meaningful.
Perhaps it’s because I’m saying goodbye to my childbearing years, or entering a new phase of life, or because death no longer feels quite as distant as it once did — for whatever reason, I feel an urgent, almost tangible desire to focus on what truly matters, what brings joy, what uplifts my loved ones. Years down the line, what will I look back on and feel thankful that I embraced more of?
Last evening, I phoned my mom to share this unexpectedly intense feeling. “I attended an exercise class the other day,” she said while stirring pasta. “The instructor mentioned, ‘Don’t fixate on your life span; life will end when it ends. Instead, concentrate on your health span and your joy span.’” My mom paused. “‘Joy span.’ I really liked that.”
Maybe that’s the message my body is conveying: remember your joy span. While my 20s and 30s revolved around striving and building, my 40s, and soon 50s, now feel more like an opportunity to pause and soak everything in. To recognize those moments when you feel warm and content, giddy and thrilled, or calm and blissful, and to engage in more of those experiences.
What’s on your list? Simple joys I’ve previously noted:
Sunshine-filled autumn days
Bagels slathered with scallion cream cheese
Enjoying movies with both my children nestled against me
Reading in the comfort of my bed
Humorous texts from teenagers
Jacket potatoes
Blooming roses
The grassy waves at Storm King
The term “peripatetic”
Moments where something is so beautiful, you place your hand on your heart
Magic tricks that baffle the mind
A night of deep, restorative sleep
Kettle chips
Additionally, every single aspect of my children, of course
My friend’s dog
This comically French dining scene from Love Is Blind: France
Conversing with cherished friends
When Freddie ends up wearing two sets of glasses
Furthermore, I recall calling my dad every evening during the quarantine. He lived alone, and one day he disclosed, “The only person I’ve interacted with in person this month is the seafood vendor at the grocery store.” The pandemic was challenging! So, we established a routine of chatting every night, either for a few minutes or an hour. Since there wasn’t much happening — neither of us was particularly busy — we’d pose random questions, like “What’s the most beautiful car, in your opinion?” and “Can you tell me about a sailing trip you truly enjoyed?” (me to him) or “How do you attempt to instill a love of learning in the boys?” and “Who do you envision writing to when you work on Cup of Jo?” (him to me). We dove into conversations about everything big and small. I cherished those discussions, and he once texted me, “Thank you for the calls; they’ve started to feel as consistent as the wolf howling at the moon.”
So, I think tonight I’ll call my dad; read in bed with the boys; and grab some salt-and-vinegar chips. My heart already feels fulfilled.
What about you? What enhances your joy span? What are your simple pleasures? Have you experienced this level of strong yearning before?
P.S. How do you view death, and what are your beliefs about what happens after you die?
**Recognizing Your Daily Sources of Happiness**
Happiness is a common goal, yet often feels out of reach. While major accomplishments and significant life events can spark joy, everyday happiness is typically found in the small, frequently unnoticed aspects of daily living. Recognizing these sources can enhance well-being and create a more rewarding life. Here are some important areas to consider:
1. **Mindfulness and Presence**: Being fully present can greatly enhance happiness. Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or simply taking a few moments to breathe deeply and concentrate on the now, can alleviate stress and heighten awareness of the little pleasures around you.
2. **Gratitude**: Developing gratitude is a powerful method for increasing happiness. Maintaining a gratitude journal, where you consistently record things you appreciate, can shift your focus from what’s missing to what is plentiful in your life.
3. **Relationships**: Human connections are a key source of happiness. Spending valuable time with family and friends, engaging in meaningful dialogues, and expressing love and appreciation can strengthen ties and amplify joy.
4. **Acts of Kindness**: Assisting others can produce a deep sense of fulfillment and happiness. Whether it’s volunteering, supporting a neighbor, or simply offering a smile to someone, acts of kindness can boost your mood and create a wave of positivity.
5. **Nature**: Spending time outdoors can have a soothing and revitalizing effect. Whether it’s a stroll in the park, a hike in the hills, or just relishing a sunset, nature provides a tranquil escape from the rush of daily life.
6. **Physical Activity**: Exercise benefits not only physical health but also mental wellness. Activities like walking, yoga, or dancing release endorphins, enhancing mood and reducing anxiety.
7. **Hobbies and Interests**: Participating in activities you love can generate immense joy. Whether it’s painting, playing music, gardening, or reading, dedicating time to your passions can yield a sense of achievement and happiness.
8. **Learning and Growth**: Personal development and education can be satisfying and rewarding. Taking up a new hobby, acquiring a new skill, or pursuing educational opportunities can provide a sense of purpose and accomplishment.
9. **Laughter and Humor**: Laughter naturally lifts spirits. Enjoying a comedy, sharing jokes with friends, or finding humor in daily situations can lighten your mood and elevate happiness.
10. **Rest and Relaxation**: Sufficient rest and relaxation are essential for maintaining happiness. Ensuring you get adequate sleep, taking necessary breaks, and permitting yourself time to de-stress can help foster a positive mindset.
By focusing on these daily sources of happiness, you can nurture a more joyful and rewarding life. It’s about recognizing and valuing the small moments that bring joy and making a deliberate effort to integrate them into your everyday routine.
