Hey there, it’s your late-blooming lesbian buddy (trademark pending) checking in! I’ve been with my wonderful girlfriend, Breyon, for 2.5 years, which in lesbian time equates to 14 minutes – long-term relationships are the hallmark of our community.
A little about our story: We crossed paths on Hinge at the close of 2021. I asked her over to my place for a reading date and some homemade hot chocolate. Looking back, it may seem a bit strange, because who invites someone to their home on a first date!? That’s the level of innocence I had, but the rest is history. Bre makes me feel appreciated and valued, a role I typically occupy without much in return. We laugh like best pals at a slumber party, whispering in the dark and refusing to fall asleep before the other. My wildest aspirations have intertwined with hers, and we’re each other’s biggest cheerleaders. We moved in together last July (feel free to look up “U-Haul lesbian”).
Since I’ve never previously been in a long-term relationship — having only flirted with a couple of brief flings with women and a platonic kiss with a guy when I was 24 — anxiety creeps in when I ponder our future. What if it crumbles? What if we cease to recognize one another? What if, what if, what if rings in my mind until I ground myself in the moment. Our only certainty is each other, so we’ll nurture our relationship as long as we’re committed. If things were to end, it wouldn’t be due to a lack of effort.
What I cherish about our relationship is our deliberate effort to have fun together. In the grand scope of things, I feel quite inexperienced, but I enjoy sharing my discoveries and can’t wait to hear what you all do with your partners (and friends!) to keep the excitement alive…
1. Running Errands
When Bre and I first connected, I was grappling with undiagnosed sleep apnea and felt like a zombie. I’d doze off mid-conversation due to my sleepless nights. She would concoct errands over an hour away so I could rest in the car. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about that incredibly kind gesture. We still relish drives to the suburbs, hunting for the nicest TJ Maxx around. I believe relationships thrive on routine, so even simple errands with her always enrich our bond. Upon returning home, we sit in the car and check in. I never take these moments for granted.
2. Evening Walks
We reside in Chicago’s Lincoln Square/Ravenswood area, which has a charm reminiscent of Sesame Street meets Stars Hollow. There’s a sizable park across the street, with restaurants nearby, all infused with Midwestern warmth. On pleasant evenings, we stroll to the coolest lesbian bar in town called Nobody’s Darling. It’s a Black-owned, BIPOC-friendly establishment. We’ll trek there, enjoy a couple of drinks, and prance home 86 minutes later with rosy cheeks, cuddling in bed. It’s sublime!
3. Game Shows
To be honest, we live in a third-floor walk-up that’s given us toned calves and glutes. It means that once we’re home, we transform into true homebodies. We don’t leave unless there’s a fire. Usually, we’re just gazing at our three cats (Charlie Brown, Lucy, and Wylie) wondering how we share a home with these cartoon characters, and we’ve recently dived into game shows. Have you checked out Claim to Fame? It’s where celebrity relatives conceal their identities until only one remains. It’s incredibly wholesome, especially when President Jimmy Carter’s grandson was revealed last season and referred to him as “Poppy.” We also watch Celebrity Jeopardy/Jeopardy Masters and shout out answers. We might be cheesy, but I can’t get enough of us.
4. Two-Person Book Club
Bre and I don’t share the same taste in literature — she adores a good murder mystery, you know, the cousin who’s actually the father who’s also the priest and he definitely did it? Meanwhile, I enjoy a captivating magical romance that transcends centuries. Nonetheless, we seek out books we can read together, currently diving into Emily Nagoski’s Come Together. It’s thought-provoking and sparks numerous discussions between us.
5. Card Games
Date nights are never dull thanks to Skin Deep cards. They provide various versions for friends, long-term couples, and date nights. I love being surprised by her responses and how they evolve over time. Isn’t it thrilling to constantly rediscover your partner? We also always carry Monopoly Deal. It’s a fast-paced card game depicting Monopoly that can be completed in under 10 minutes. It offers all the fun of Monopoly without the commitment of 10-15 years.
6. Concerts
I would assume every couple enjoys to travel, because who wouldn’t? Yes, please, let me indulge in several days on the shores of Cancun! Bre and I have especially found delight in concerts as a travel option. Recently, we ventured to Milwaukee’s Summerfest to see Brittany Howard, and we have tickets for Kaytranada next month. Last year, we witnessed Beyoncé at the Superdome in New Orleans, and it felt akin to receiving a blessing from the Pope.
My inquiry to you is, um, am I navigating this right? Like, am I okay in this relationship?! Just kidding. But! I’m eager to know what you and your partners do to keep the fun alive, whether it’s sending memes or camping escapades. I cherish this community and can’t wait to read your comments.
Abby Mallett is a freelance writer and editor at Joy The Baker. She has also contributed to Cup of Jo regarding travel and literature. Feel free to follow Abby on Instagram if you wish.
P.S. “What nine movies and shows with LGBTQ characters meant to me,” and “how I navigate traveling as a fat queer Black woman.”
(Top photo by Adrian Rodd/Stocksy.)
**Six Effective Strategies to Keep the Passion in Your Relationship**
Sustaining passion in a long-term relationship can sometimes seem like a challenging undertaking. As the initial thrill diminishes, couples often find themselves dealing with the intricacies of daily life, which can lead to a decrease in that romantic spark. However, with thoughtful effort and a few strategic measures, it’s entirely feasible to keep the flame burning brightly. Here are six effective strategies to help maintain passion in your relationship.
**1. Make Quality Time a Priority**
In the whirlwind of daily life, it’s easy to neglect quality time with your partner. To sustain passion, consciously prioritize time spent together. This doesn’t necessarily require grand dates; often, the simplest moments are the most impactful. Whether it’s cooking together, taking a stroll, or enjoying a serene evening at home, focus on being present and engaged with one another.
**2. Practice Open and Honest Communication**
Communication is the foundation of any thriving relationship. To preserve passion, it’s essential to maintain open channels of communication. Share your thoughts, emotions, and aspirations with your partner, and encourage them to reciprocate. This transparency nurtures a deeper emotional bond, vital for maintaining passion. Remember, effective communication also encompasses active listening, so ensure you give your partner your full attention when they speak.
**3. Keep Surprises in the Mix**
Surprises can reignite the flame in a relationship by breaking the monotony of routine. Surprise your partner with thoughtful gestures that show you care, such as leaving a loving note, arranging an impromptu outing, or presenting an unexpected gift. These surprises don’t need to be extravagant or costly; the thought and effort are what truly matter. By keeping your partner guessing, you’ll create an atmosphere of excitement and anticipation that can foster passion.
**4. Foster Physical Intimacy**
Physical intimacy is a crucial aspect of a passionate relationship. While it’s normal for physical affection to fluctuate over time, making an effort to sustain it can fortify your connection. This isn’t limited to sexual intimacy; simple acts like holding hands, hugging, and kissing are all essential forms of physical connection. Prioritize physical touch and incorporate it regularly into your relationship to keep the passion thriving.
**5. Engage in Shared Interests and Hobbies**
Participating in activities you both enjoy can strengthen your bond and rekindle the passion in your relationship. Whether it’s taking a dance class, embarking on hikes, or trying new cuisines, discovering shared interests can create fresh experiences and memories. These activities not only offer chances for joy and laughter, but also help cement your connection as a couple.
**6. Encourage Each Other’s Growth**
Supporting your partner’s personal growth and development can positively influence your relationship. When both partners feel uplifted in their individual pursuits, it fosters a sense of accomplishment and joy. Celebrate each other’s successes, provide encouragement during tough times, and show genuine interest in your partner’s passions and ambitions. This reciprocal support can enhance your bond and sustain the passion in your relationship.
In summary, nurturing passion in a relationship demands effort, dedication, and a readiness to adjust. By prioritizing quality time, fostering open communication, keeping surprises alive, nurturing physical intimacy, engaging in shared interests, and championing each other’s growth, you can keep the flame alight. Remember, a passionate relationship is a journey, not a destination, and with these strategies, you can enjoy a fulfilling and enduring connection with your partner.
