“Do you understand the T word, Mommy?” my son inquired.
We were positioned in the lobby of our apartment building, the early morning light streaming in. I let out a sigh, inwardly wishing for his school bus to quickly appear around the corner to end this exchange.
“Are you familiar with that one, Mommy?”
“Nope.” I yawned. “What’s the T word?”
The lobby door swung open, and a neighbor squeezed by us with his poodle.
“Twat!” my son yelled with pride.
The neighbor frowned while the poodle emitted a small ruff! Perhaps indicating disapproval. All I knew was that I was trying hard to stifle my own laughter.
“What about the Z word, Mommy? Do you know that one?”
I breathed a sigh of relief as his school bus finally came to a halt outside, not daring to guess what the Z word could be.
My child is currently captivated by curse words. He is 12, which I remember as the onset of the Great Curse Word Awakening. I, too, had been intrigued by “bad words” at his age, and I have vivid memories of strutting through the mall with my friends, letting F bombs drop next to the Bath & Body Works bath bombs. (Holy sh*t, that Waikiki Beach Coconut smelled f*cking amazing!)
Thus, I recognize that his curiosity about profanity is quite typical behavior. However, my son is not neurotypical — he has autism, complicating the parental navigation of the issue. Is he merely exploring language? Investigating emotions? Or just being a foul-mouthed child? It’s tough to determine, and my husband and I are finding it difficult to handle. We are aware that we don’t want to react as our parents did, where saying a cuss word was akin to deliberately smashing a boot through the television. Expletives were enraging in our Catholic households, completely intolerable. I can remember a time during my teenage years when I came downstairs to find my mother standing sternly over my youngest brother, Greg. He was about nine, sitting at the table with a tear-streaked face. I asked what had occurred, and my mom thrust a small scrap of paper at me.
“A teacher discovered this on the playground! Your brother shoved it through a hole in the fence! Can you believe it?”
I glanced at the paper. My brother’s carefully formed consonants and vowels read: “Gregg Gohmann. Fuck.”
Upon seeing it, I had to work very hard to create an expression that conveyed outrage instead of erupting into hysterical laughter, which, naturally, was what my face longed to do.
Could I believe it? Absolutely.
To be fair, I understand why my parents adopted such a strict stance on cursing. They were religious and raising eight rambunctious children, and I’m sure they felt that without setting clear boundaries, our home would resemble a sailor’s convention. I don’t blame them for wanting mealtime to be quiet and orderly. Yet, I also witnessed how their approach completely backfired.
These days, I can easily control my swearing, turning it on and off like a (filthy) mental faucet. I have never accidentally blurted out a curse word in front of my mother. Not even when I witnessed my older brother bump his head on a low ceiling while dancing to The Pointer Sisters. (Yes, the song was “Jump.”) And aside from the times I bang my knees on our bed frame or hear the latest from the White House, I strive not to curse in front of my son. My husband would certainly raise an eyebrow at this description of my wholesome vocabulary, but he isn’t exactly Mr. Rogers himself. The only distinction is that he hails from Northern Ireland, so his cursing sounds less like profanity and more like he’s passionately quoting Yeats. Moreover, even when I do “slip,” my son promptly calls me out on it, and I am quick to apologize, treating it as a form of verbal flatulence. I offer a polite, “Oh, excuse me!”
But it doesn’t change anything. Our kid is now in adolescence, and like me at that age, he appears to be experimenting with sounding as if he’s hauling a semi across Ohio. So far, our response has been to calmly remind him that cursing is impolite and can offend some people. To which he then responds by unleashing a series of expletives, pausing after each one to ask about its exact level of offensiveness.
I believe that for my son, a significant part of his curiosity lies in understanding why certain words evoke specific responses. With autism, much of his daily experience revolves around deciphering reactions — all the why’s and what-for’s of the human emotional spectrum. Discouraging this can feel complicated, even as we acknowledge it’s vital for engaging with polite society.
He also genuinely delights in words — the more unusual, the better — which I appreciate. When he was quite young, he struggled to learn to communicate. Thanks to speech therapy, the words eventually flowed, and every little utterance felt like a treasured gemstone in my pocket. Combine this with the fact that I’m a writer captivated by the subtle magic of well-chosen words, and my reaction to his cursing could be labeled as cool at best, negligent at worst. One thing is sure; my attempt to adopt a “isn’t language fascinating!” perspective and not replicate the fear-inducing experiences of my youth — yeah, that isn’t panning out. It’s pretty tricky to frame him shouting “shit!” next to the CVS nurse administering his flu shot as merely an appreciation for the miracle of communication.
That being said, research indicates that swearing can actually assist with pain tolerance. Moreover, studies (I enjoy referencing studies when I feel like I’m dropping the ball as a parent) reveal that swearing can reflect integrity and honesty. So there, jerks!
Psychologist Timothy Jay is considered an “expert in swearing” (welcome to the club, Tim), and he believes there are numerous benefits to cursing. “Often, people don’t delve into the positive uses of these [words],” he mentioned in an interview about children and profanity. “Their role in humor, their role in bonding, their role as a release from pain or a way to vent frustration — I perceive this as an evolutionary benefit.”
How about that! “Shithead” as an evolutionary advantage!
However, in the same article, Dr. Jay reminds us that it’s the responsibility of parents to impart the nuances and etiquette of language. Which, undoubtedly, is true. But let’s be honest; at times, that task can feel akin to trying to put a sweater on a cat while intoxicated and underwater. It’s complicated!
As with many things regarding our son, it will likely require some creative thinking and time for him to mature. And really, if I’m completely honest, I must confess that part of me feels a small twinge of joy that he has reached this “milestone” of sorts. Parents of children with disabilities often take delight in every developmental step, both the positive and the negative.
The other night, while I watched my son quietly text his friend “dammit,” I caught sight of his playful smile and found myself recalling my youngest brother and the time he pushed that paper through the fence all those years ago. While the nun who found it may have deemed it profane, really, what that small scrap represented was a mini, one-word declaration of independence. Just as I believe cursing can be for many kids. Their subtle way of testing their power. Of experiencing what a touch of rebellion feels like rolling around in their gap-toothed mouths. For the F word, in all its various meanings, can symbolize something entirely different for children: a measure of Freedom.
Johanna Gohmann resides in Brooklyn with her husband, son, and a betta fish named Bissell. Her writing has been featured in The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, and The Wall Street Journal, and she is the author of the upcoming humor book, All Toddlers Are Scorpios: An Astrological Guide to Your Adorable Tiny Terror.
P.S. The experience of having autism.
(Photo by Kelly Knox/Stocksy.)
**The F Word: Examining the Effects and Importance of Profanity**
Profanity, commonly known as swearing or cursing, has been an integral part of human communication for centuries. Among these contentious words is the “F word,” a term that has ignited debates, stirred emotions, and even shaped cultural standards. This article investigates the effects and significance of profanity, with a specific emphasis on the “F word,” examining its linguistic, psychological, and social aspects.
**Linguistic Development and Usage**
The “F word” boasts a rich linguistic background, thought to have roots in Germanic languages. Its application has transformed over time, moving from a taboo expression to a more commonly accepted term in many cultures. Linguistically, profanity serves various purposes: it can express intense feelings, underline a point, or even function as a means of social bonding. The flexibility of the “F word” allows it to act as a noun, verb, adjective, and more, highlighting its adaptability in language.
**Psychological Effects**
From a psychological standpoint, swearing can produce both benefits and drawbacks. On one hand, using profanity can offer a cathartic release, assisting individuals in managing stress and discomfort. Research has indicated that swearing can enhance pain tolerance and provide an emotional outlet. Conversely, excessive use of profanity may be viewed as indicative of poor self-control or intelligence, potentially affecting how individuals are perceived by others.
**Social and Cultural Relevance**
Socially, the “F word” and other profanities can represent markers of identity and group affiliation. In certain situations, swearing can foster camaraderie and solidarity among peers. However, its usage is often dictated by cultural norms and social environments. What is considered acceptable in one culture or group may be offensive in another. Media and popular culture have significantly influenced the acceptance and frequency of profanity, frequently pushing the limits of what is regarded as appropriate language.
**The Discussion on Acceptability**
The appropriateness of the “F word” remains a matter of discussion. Proponents of free speech contend that language should not be censored, whereas others assert that maintaining a degree of decorum is vital for respectful interaction. The context in which profanity is utilized frequently dictates its acceptability; for example, swearing during a casual chat with friends may be more acceptable than in a work environment.
**Conclusion**
The “F word” transcends mere profanity; it is a linguistic instrument that mirrors human emotions, cultural practices, and social interactions. Its effects and importance are complex, influencing language, psychology, and society. As language continues to transform, so too will the role of profanity, prompting us to rethink its place in our communication and culture.
