13 Pro Tips From Large Family Parents

These last few months, as I’ve been finding my way as a mother of three, I keep catching myself thinking, ‘How do moms with more kids manage to do this?!’ Today, seasoned parents offer their advice, including a game suitable for children of all ages…

From Kate Baer, mom of four (ages 7, 9, 12, and 14):

1. If it’s quick, handle it straight away. If something can be tackled in under a minute (permission slip, texting a teacher, signing a form), do it instantly. It’s not the large tasks that cause me to spiral, but the accumulation of little ones.

2. Be the home that hosts. When I learned I was unexpectedly pregnant with my fourth, I fell into a pit of despair and overwhelm. One reason was I assumed no one would want to have a family of four kids over for dinner. It was one of my biggest fears, and wouldn’t you know it, it happened! The answer is to become the house that hosts. We host everything from New Year’s Eve to the Fourth of July. It’s become one of my greatest pleasures.

3. Say ‘I’ll think about it’ instead of yes/no to requests. A six-member family equates to a six-member calendar, and managing it is part of my duties. Overcommitting is the fastest way to diminish family morale. When the kids ask if we can go somewhere or have friends over, I give myself the time to consider if that makes sense and avoid any emotional reaction from any of us.

From Shoko, a mom of five (ages 12, 21, 23, 25, and 27):

4. When all five kids lived at home, having dinner together each evening was our bonding time. It was during these meals that I discovered who my kids’ friends were, what they were eager about during the week, and other events taking place in their lives. Eating meals together at the table can be challenging with young children, but as my kids matured, it became one of my favorite parts of the day.

5. We’ve never flown together as a family since flights for seven are pricey! But we partake in many road trips. For entertainment, we relied on games. One of our favorites was spotting words in alphabetical order outside the car (thank you, billboards). Everyone participated, and it even aided younger siblings in recognizing words.

From Caroline Chambers, mom of four (ages eight months, 3, 5, and 7):

6. Don’t overanalyze one-on-one time. With work and kids’ agendas, time can be limited, but even spending 10 minutes with each child, such as reading together, playing with the dog, or a walk to the mailbox, fosters a stronger connection.

7. All four of my kids are under eight, so meal time involves a lot of picky eating. Every kid must at least try the meal set before them, but if they really dislike it, they can have a sandwich. Letting go of the ‘eat every carrot!!!’ battle mentality has made our dinners more pleasant.

From Kristin Young, mother of six (ages 13, 15, 20, 22, 24, and 26):

8. Teach them to handle their own laundry. As each kid turned seven, we assigned them a laundry day because I was exhausted. On their day, they’d start their wash before school, and I’d transition it to the dryer during the day. When they came home, they’d fold their freshly-cleaned clothes. Assigning their own laundry day is essential for identifying who left a mess!

9. I noticed we were throwing a birthday party almost every other month (!) so we stopped hosting big celebrations. Instead, we celebrate as a family and let the birthday kid pick a friend to join us.

tw: child loss
10. This section discusses child loss, so please be mindful, thank you: My second son, Colby, passed away at 15 from a brain tumor. Following his death, my husband and I had to learn how to cope with the loss of a child while also supporting a grieving family. Being Christians, we believe we will see Colby again in heaven. Talking about him has also been helpful. For instance, when getting donuts from Krispy Kreme, we’ll always say, ‘Colby would have loved this!’ We acknowledge that our kids will grieve in different ways. My oldest was Colby’s big sister, and our youngest was four when Colby passed — so each child had distinct relationships and memories of him. But we all profoundly love and miss him; he was a wonderful brother and son.

From Alex Steele, mother of four (ages 3, 7, 10, and 11):

11. I asked my older kids to read to my younger ones. Initially, they resisted, but when I explained they’re assisting their siblings’ brain development (cool!) and could choose whichever books they wanted (freedom!), they were on board. Three favorite reads together are I Want My Hat Back, Rumpelstiltskin, and Extra Yarn.

12. I’m one of seven, and as children, my mom devised the game ‘Big Mouth.’ She’d take us to a park with expansive grassy areas. Then we’d all inhale deeply, and shout as we ran, as far as possible, without halting to breathe. We’d play it for hours. I vividly remember the joy I felt — the game satisfied a profound need for my own physical space. Now I play ‘Big Mouth’ with my kids at the beach, and everyone ADORES it, myself included.

13. When my kids quarrel (it occurs daily), I tell them, ‘Take a look around. This is it. These are the individuals you will spend the rest of your life with. These are the ones who will love you and be there for you. Treat it seriously.’

Do you belong to or come from a large family? Any other suggestions? We’d love to know.

P.S. Five strategies for sibling rivalry, helping kids feel secure, and what’s the age gap between your children?

(Top photo by Kate Baer.)