Is there a Finnish or Japanese term for existential holiday anxiety? There should be. I suppose the nearest equivalent might be to borrow a phrase from Ebenezer Scrooge: ba hum bug? That’s certainly my sentiment as this long year rushes to a finish. Yet sharing this openly feels like a shameful, secret confession since lacking festive spirit is the ultimate holiday sin.
But I have ample reason for my yuletide grumpiness.
A few weeks ago, my partner of four years revealed he needed some distance and couldn’t manage “this” at the moment — “this” being our relationship. Having your heart broken shortly before Thanksgiving sounds like the prelude to a Hallmark holiday rom-com. Yet, somehow, I don’t foresee bumping into that charming guy from Bridgerton in the next couple of weeks while waiting to buy eggnog at the Bryant Park holiday market and having him rekindle my faith in love. For one thing, I dislike eggnog. But, alas.
This shattering turn of events also arrived right on the anniversary of my dear father’s passing. I was already drained from a year of attempting to regain my emotional balance after that immense loss, which left my family fragmented in intricate — and enduring — ways. My therapist mentioned that September/October is one of the worst periods to lose a loved one. Not that there’s any good time, but when you lose someone in the fall, you crash headlong into the holidays with a raw heart, having to manage traditions and establish new rituals amid absence. There’s literally an empty seat at the table. She was right — the holidays last year were harrowing and passed in a haze of me weeping into my partner’s shirt around the clock. I recall little of that time beyond a trip to Home Depot to purchase a surprisingly heavy tree and watching Die Hard for the first time.
Contributing to this current spell of sorrow and heartbreak? A heavy dose of career insecurity and simmering despair about the world’s state, which I discussed here, and I’ve been truly brought low, as my grandmother would say (also departed, also mourned). As a naturally upbeat individual, this is unfamiliar terrain. But I find comfort in not being alone.
Because I know I’m not the only one grappling with the challenges this time of year exacerbates. Perhaps it’s your inaugural holiday post-divorce, and you’re apart from your children, or you’ve been laid off in this dreadful economy; maybe anticipatory grief won’t let you forget this will be your last Hanukkah with a cherished relative. Perhaps you’re confronting a daunting health challenge. There are as many ways to be emotionally rocked this holiday season as there are needles on a Christmas tree.
I’m not a self-help author or a therapist, I’m merely a girl who can admit she’s struggling. But I’ve endeavored to devise strategies to endure December. In case it aids you, too, here’s my 2025 holiday survival plan:
Hunker down. You don’t have to attend that holiday party or cookie exchange. At present, trust that you are your own best company, and that tranquil evenings at home, even when you hear the revelry outside, are what you need to recuperate. It can be immensely draining to “put on a cheerful face,” and you must conserve that energy for healing. That said, if you believe there’s a chance being with people will elevate your mood, it might be worth donning lipstick and tights and getting yourself out the door, but solely out of genuine desire, not obligation.
Stay off Instagram. I deleted Instagram weeks ago, and it’s the healthiest choice I’ve made for myself since starting to drink 2L of water daily. Social media will remain in 2026, for better or worse.
Go easy on gratitude. I’m all for gratitude, in general, but sometimes it’s just another way to impose pressure on ourselves. Allow yourself to indulge in a bit of self-pity. You have enough to manage at the moment without berating yourself for not being grateful enough.
Indulge. I, for one, have been consuming a lot of french fries. Sure, maybe that’s not the healthiest choice globally, but it brings me joy. This is not a time to deprive yourself of simple pleasures, whether that’s going to the movies (I plan to see Hamnet and cry my eyes out) or stopping by a nail salon for a $10 chair massage.
Live in the truth of your mental state. In western culture, we have a harmful attachment to positivity, mistaking bravado for bravery and sadness for weakness. Here’s your reminder that it’s quite the opposite (plus, an excellent book on the topic). Acknowledging your “negative” emotions helps others feel less isolated. After all, the loneliest part of feeling low is when you believe everyone else is joyously sipping cranberry spritzes, and you, alone, are the only sad person on earth.
Let people take care of you. It’s the season of giving — but allowing yourself to be cared for is also good. I’ve been nourished by messages, flowers, and food from friends, and I’m permitting myself to savor it without guilt. Trust that the people expressing their love for you are as enriched by it as you are. And it genuinely captures the spirit of the season.
Give back. I spent Thanksgiving volunteering with a wonderful organization, serving meals in Harlem. It was a meaningful distraction from the holiday-sized gap my absent partner left. Doing good also made me feel better about myself.
January will be here before we know it, and we — the fragile and heartbroken — will have weathered a hard season. And for those feeling triumphant and embracing the holiday season with enthusiasm and coordinated pajamas, I love that for you. Those of us who aren’t feeling it this year will hope to join you in festive cheer in 2026.
In the meantime, let’s seek solace and community in the comments – if you want to share a struggle, it’s a safe space. If you want to share a tool for overcoming tough times, we’re all ears. Wishing you a holiday season of peace and renewal.
Christine Pride is a writer, book editor, and content consultant residing in Harlem, New York. Read all her Race Matters columns here.
P.S. What’s the secret to enjoying big family gatherings, and what’s your escape plan during the holidays?
(Photo by Laura Beth Snipes/Unsplash.)
**Navigating the Holidays with a Sensitive Heart**
The holiday season, often portrayed as a time of joy and celebration, can be daunting for those with sensitive hearts. The hustle and bustle, emotional expectations, and social gatherings can sometimes feel overwhelming. Here are some strategies to help navigate the holidays with grace and self-care.
**1. Set Boundaries:**
Knowing your limits is essential. Kindly refuse invitations that feel too demanding, and focus on events that bring you joy. Communicate your requirements to family and friends, ensuring they understand your need for space or downtime.
**2. Practice Mindfulness:**
Include mindfulness practices in your daily routine. Whether through meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga, these activities can help center you amidst the chaos. Taking a few moments each day to focus can significantly reduce stress.
**3. Create a Safe Space:**
Designate a quiet spot in your home where you can retreat when feeling overwhelmed. Fill this space with comforting items like soft blankets, calming scents, or favorite books. Having a sanctuary can provide a much-needed escape from holiday stressors.
**4. Manage Expectations:**
The holidays often come with high expectations. Remind yourself that it’s fine if things aren’t perfect. Focus on the moments that matter and release the pressure to meet unrealistic standards.
**5. Prioritize Self-Care:**
Make self-care a non-negotiable aspect of your holiday routine. Whether it’s taking a long bath, going for a walk, or indulging in a hobby, ensure you’re taking time to recharge. Self-care is crucial for maintaining emotional stability.
**6. Connect with Supportive People:**
Surround yourself with those who understand and respect your sensitivity. Share your feelings with trusted friends or family members who can offer support and empathy. Sometimes, just knowing someone is there to listen can make a big difference.
**7. Plan Ahead:**
Anticipate potential stressors and plan accordingly. If large gatherings are overwhelming, consider arriving early to adapt or having an exit strategy if things become too much. Planning can help you feel more in control and less anxious.
**8. Embrace Solitude:**
It’s alright to spend time alone during the holidays. Solitude can be rejuvenating, allowing you to reflect and recharge. Use this time to engage in activities that bring you peace and happiness.
**9. Focus on Gratitude:**
Shift your focus to gratitude by journaling or reflecting on the positives each day. Gratitude can enhance your mood and provide perspective, helping you appreciate the small joys amidst the holiday rush.
**10. Seek Professional Help if Needed:**
If the holiday season becomes too overwhelming, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide valuable tools and coping strategies tailored to your needs.
Navigating the holidays with a sensitive heart requires intentionality and self-awareness. By setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you can create a holiday experience that honors your sensitivity and brings you peace and joy.
